Mother's Day Advice c/o Sitmatic

1) Do not give them a gym membership, it implies they are too husky- bad idea.

2) Do give them chocolates, though they will make them husky, it is still a good idea.

3) Do not give them a card with their age on it- this can be very depressing to mothers old and young.

4) Do give them compliments on how young they look- true or not, this is a good idea.

5) Do not give the gift of love in the form of a hug - this will leave mothers wanting- bad idea.

6) Do give them a hug with the gift of day passes to a spa treatment- good idea.

7) Do not give them the “Matrix trilogy” and then ask to borrow it that night- bad idea.

8) Do give them the “Best of Oprah” and sit and pretend you like it- selflessness good.

9) Do not bake them a pie… unless you know how to- in which case you are a massive sissy.

10) Do buy them a pie from the local bakery- these taste good and if you’re lucky, she might share some.


Take time to review these suggestions to ensure you are fully prepared for this Mother’s Day. By

the way, if you completely forget Mother’s day, better late than never to celebrate it as

Mother’s Month. And remember, Sitmatic has always got your back- more specifically, full

lumbar support.

The Good, The Bad & The Chairs

Like Mentos & Diet Coke, electric appliances & bathtubs, water & oil... some things just don’t mix. The questions is: Can any one of these combinations coexist in a perfect world? Your answer is: Yes, Lava lamps and Sitmatic.
Here at Sitmatic we have developed the perfect balance of lovable, righteous beings and the cold, heartless gargoyles we call management to provide excellence in ergonomic seating and customer support.
Anyone who has called our office has undoubtedly experienced our unmatched customer support. However, a handful know what a conversation with Sitmatic management is like (no picnic). They are a rare breed. For example: Paul Makielski (President) has had his heart surgically replaced with what he calls "a babe magnet" which he believes gives him superhuman powers to slay any man, woman or beast. Legend has it Derek Ellington (VP) is a top-secret government experiment gone horribly wrong. Can you say El Chupacabra? Let’s not get started with Gabe Muniz (Staff Manager), possibly the meanest one of all, punishes the restroom with no mercy for hours at a time. Courtesy flush? I don't think so.
I would love to move up "the ladder" in this company, but is it worth losing my heart? No more pillow talk? No more spooning with Scott Sprankle? No more romantic comedies? Love or Chairs? Galaxies are colliding! Is this the end of Sensitive Mark?! WWJD?

Greenish Boy

I was born a chair mak'in boy, redeemed through pain, not joy. Actually, the pain is gone, now that the Alpha 173 is GREEN CHECK CERTIFIED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not sure what Green Check Certification is, you say?

Ever heard about US Green Building Council, LEED Certification, or California #01350 for High Performing Schools? If you haven't, try getting out a little more.

Indoor Environmental Quality and Low-Emitting Materials are real issues, and furniture must contribute in a BENEFICIAL way to total emissions experienced in a facility.

Berkeley Analytical just completed the test, and WE PASS WITH FLYING COLORS!!!!

Ask your Sitmatic Rep for more information regarding Green Check Certification of Sitmatic products!!!

I'm so excited I think I just wet myself. Not really--I just spilled my coffee.

We Came, We Saw, We Quoted

An auditorium project’s inception begins with a dialog between Sitmatic and our beloved dealers. We listen, we acknowledge, we restate… and then, after much chatter, we begin the grueling process of accounting for every nut and bolt required to execute the hypothetical job, otherwise known as quoting.

We draw, we cry, we redraw. An auditorium quote is not complete without a drawing- a common vision for anyone to pontificate the placement of handicapped seating, aisle ways, and chair sizes. This drawing illustrates the seat numbering and row lettering schematic for the new auditorium to be.



This is where the magic begins. Sitmatic orders all of the necessary ingredients for this delectable project. We stitch, we sew, we upholster. Foam gets covered, wood gets lacquered, and laminates are applied with delicate care. Smells like someone’s cooking up Tuxedo chairs to order. We box, we ship, we pray. All this exciting coordination comes to a head for the big show: Installation. Our expert crew executes the well-anticipated plans, and to what end? Introducing Ft. McNair’s brand new auditorium.

Sitmatic: Sit happens

Sitmatic: your buns will thank you.

Sitmatic: You have the right to remain ergonomic.

Sitmatic: at least we aren’t selling bean bags.

Sitmatic, we aren’t complete morons.

Sitmatic: Have a seat.

Sitmatic: because no one can stand forever

Sitmatic, where chair geeks loiter

Sitmatic: raising cage free open range chairs

Sitmatic: 100% ergonomic

Sitmatic: Because we don’t completely suck.

Sitmatic, Because chicks dig chair geeks

Sitmatic: in the armpit of Fullerton

Sitmatic: all you can sit

Sitmatic: Sit as much as you like

Sitmatic: Mama told me there would be chairs like you.

Sitmatic, changing the world one butt at a time.

Sitmatic: Celebrating 2 holidays a year

Sitmatic: Zero calories.

Sitmatic: deep down, you know you want to be us.

Sitmatic: because gosh darn-it, people like you

Sitmatic: you buy it! You buy it!

Sitmatic: now available LOW CARB!

Sitmatic: because daddy didn’t love me.

Sitmatic: why settle for anything less

Sitmatic: Other chairs envy us

Sitmatic: don’t knock it till you try it

Sitmatic: were not that drunk.

Sitmatic: chair geeks rule

Sitmatic: kiss my lumbar

Sitmatic: we won’t ever make fun of you in public again

Sitmatic: Home of Happy Butt Harry

Sitmatic Announces a Stay of Execution for New Pricing

To everyone’s joint relief, the Governor called in the nick of time to save the new 2008 pricing from being executed on the first of April as was originally announced. Here is a transcription of the Governator’s own words…“Humans of the not too distant past, I am a cybernetic organism sent from the future to prevent Sitmatic’s 2008 price increase on April 1st, which would begin a series of events leading to humanities eventual annihilation. The date of execution must occur fifteen days later than planned in order to preserve your people’s way of life. April 15th 2008, Judgement day: new pricing will begin leading to Sitmatic’s continued expansion which will offset the inevitable judgement day for a time, and the impending apocalypse will be averted. Let this serve as an example, the future is never written, and we suffer no fate but our own.”

For those of you who don’t speak robot, our price increase will take place 4-15-08

Of dogs and chairs

Sing this to the Oscar Meyer melody:

My tail bone is-a ach'in,
its slamm'in against the wood!
This old chair is so crappy that,
my pain is understood.
The folks over at Sitmatic
have taken care of me,
my butt don't hurt, this chair is pert,
I'm gunna marry this 1-7-3!


Lyrics inspired by my son's new weiner dog "Ojo the cyclops dachshund"